All is Well

Someone returned my wedding rings.

People Suck

Ok, I need to vent.  Yesterday I lost my wedding rings.  This pisses me off to an extent I find difficult to describe.  I went to the gym yesterday and forgot my rings in the locker I was using.  This morning I called the gym and they were neither in the lost and found nor the locker I used yesterday.  This means either the person I talked to was blind and didn't see them in the locker or someone made of with my wedding rings.  I'd like to give people the benefit of the doubt and hope that they were accidentally knocked into someone's bag and they'll find them later and turn them in.  I have very little hope of that.  I feel extremely stupid for leaving them in the first place and deeply disappointed in humanity for someone having taken them.  

As a shadow worker I spend a lot of time with my negative emotions and I know how angry and bitter I can be.  Hell, I'm the kind of witch that will sling a hex with no qualms, so I expected to be a lot angrier than I am now.  I just can't help wondering what kind of circumstances someone would have to live in to think that stealing someone else's wedding rings was their best bet in a situation.  They're wedding rings - these are objects that always have immense emotional significance to people.  What sort of unhappiness would someone need to dwell in to not have empathy for that?  My shadow looms large in my life and I would never, ever do something like that.  What must theirs be like?  Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone who's life is so awful and empty that their sense of decency would be so deadened.  So to whomever has my rings - you're a pathetic dick and I feel sorry for you.

Then again, maybe it really was an accident and they'll get turned in sometime over the next week.  I'm not holding my breath but it sure would be a better world if that were the case.

Book Review - Feeding Your Demons

I just finished a fabulously shadowy book called Feeding Your Demons by Tsultrim Allione that I heartily recommend to anyone interested in shadow work at any level.  The book is about the psychological technique of looking at our “demons” and nourishing and satisfying them rather than battling or repressing them.  In essence, it’s shadow work in a psychological rather than magickal framework.  

Allione bases her techniques in the Chod practice of Tibbetan Buddhism.  She outlines a five step process of identifying and visualizing your demon, asking in questions and trying to get to the root of it, and then feeding it.  I like the fact that she clearly distinguishes between hearing what the demon says it wants and identifying what it actually needs in order to progress - something that is a huge part of shadow work.  So often we think that what we want is what we actually need, when it can be just the opposite.  Looking at our problems as demons is an interesting and quite effective way of separating ourselves from those problems and allows us to look at things from a fresh perspective.  The approach of feeding, rather than battling, those demons is essentially the same as integrating our shadows.

Allione looks in depth at many different kinds of “demons” that can afflict people.  She looks at just about every ill in life as a potential demon and something that can be dealt with using her five step process - everything from disease and depression to addiction and abuse.  Her examples are very interesting, but I must admit I skimmed through the sections on demons that I didn’t think applied to me because reading about people doing the same thing in different circumstances gets a tad old.  That being said, I think all the examples are very necessary and that everyone will be able to find something that really resonates in there.  

The only other minor issue I had was the book’s distinctively Buddhist slant - and that’s only because I’m not Buddhist.  I completely respect the Buddhist view that attachment to the good things in life can be as destructive as attachment to the bad, but it’s not something I embrace.  Perhaps I haven’t reached the stage in my life where I’m ready to see through that particular lens; maybe I never will.  Just because I don’t embrace that view doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable and I think that all shadow workers would do well to at least explore those arguments.  

Overall, I loved this book and found it to be incredibly valuable.  I fully intend to explore Allione’s techniques and look forward to giving them my own witchy spin.

Shadow Work and Depression

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And first a disclaimer - I am not a psychiatrist, counselor, mental health professional, or even a terribly good listener.  This entry is about things I experience and ways that work for me to deal with them.  If you are seriously depressed I urge you to talk to someone who knows more about this stuff than me - find a good counselor, that’s what they’re there for.  And now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.
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Shadow work is a wonderful thing.  It’s enlightening, liberating, and satisfying once you’ve done it.  However, the process of going through it can be damned unpleasant.  Doing real shadow work brings up a lot of unpleasant memories and feelings.  If you’re doing things right you could be looking at a decently sized mountain of the worst moments of your life.  It’s daunting, really daunting.  If you’re not absolutely on top of things it’s easy to get sucked into the emotions that pile represents, making it very easy to slip into depression.  When this happens (‘cause it will) don’t panic – you’re not alone.

Depression is awful.  For me, depression usually take the form of extreme lethargy and hopelessness.  I look at myself dealing with the same shadows in slightly different forms over and over again and have to ask myself “what’s the point?”  It becomes impossible to move forward so I turn my back on my work and run to escapism.  Now, don’t get me wrong, a little escapism can be a very good thing.  It’s when escapism turns into avoiding what I really need to be doing that it becomes a problem.  There’s nothing worse that dredging up some old emotional horror and then running screaming for this hills because I just can’t take it, and knowing that I ran away just makes it all worse.  

Unfortunately, this seems to just be a part of the process.  If your shadows weren’t awful they wouldn’t be shadows.  If you weren’t afraid to deal with things they wouldn’t become shadows in the first place.  The fact that you’re willing to even try to look at them shows a lot of bravery.  Failure is part of the process.  

When you find yourself running away from shadow work the first step is to forgive yourself.  It sounds like psycho-babble, but it’s true.  Knowing that you’re not doing something that is important makes you feel like crap.  Forgive yourself for screwing up and get on with making it right.  The worse you feel, the more important it becomes to get up from whatever quagmire you’ve sunk into and get working again.  Of course, that’s more easily said than done.

When you’re in the middle of a deep depression the idea of getting out of bed can be daunting, let alone doing serious work.  Unfortunately, only you can figure out what you need in order to get yourself started again.  If you’re aware enough to realize that you’re stuck in depression (rather than life actually being completely worthless), then you can probably reason yourself into doing something to get momentum going again.  If not, try and show yourself a little love and forgive yourself for being stuck - and keep doing it until you believe it. 

Vampire Ball 2012

A few weeks ago I had the great pleasure of attending the 2012 Portland Vampire Ball.  It's a gothically gorgeous event and I highly recommend it to anyone in the area.  My dear friend Rae and I made the trek to Portland rather early in the day, so we killed a few hours going to see Wrath of the Titans (sometimes brainless fun is a good thing).  Apparently the main mall in Portland has an indoor ice rink in the middle of it.  Who knew?

After the movie we headed back to the hotel and Rae did our makeup (I'm cosmetically challenged and leave things to the professionals whenever possible).

Rae looked resplendent in a silver gilt coat

I went old school with a rented flamenco ensemble

Good times were had

And the night ended with the traditional black roses and chill while waiting for the cab

Can't wait for next year!

Qualities of Evil

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  I've just been bogged down with a severe case of writer's block and who gives a crap.  I think I may have finally vanquished my blahs and am writing again.  At the moment my writing priority is a class for the Grey School called "Concepts of Evil."  This is a total re-write of an old class written by Elizabeth Barrett.  Since she and I have rather different approaches to the subject I'm starting from square one.  Here is a lesson from the class called "Qualities of Evil."  Enjoy.

There are certain qualities of thought and action that seem to always be present when the term “evil” is justified: lack of empathy, dehumanization of the other, selfishness, and cruelty.  Let us explore each of these qualities.

Lack of Empathy

Empathy is the ability to recognize what someone else is thinking or feeling and, to a certain extent, to share those thoughts or feelings; it is what allows us to respond appropriately to the emotions of others.  In effect, empathy is what allows us to care for others.  When someone lacks empathy they do not accurately recognize or value the emotions of others.  Someone who lacks empathy may not recognize that another person is experiencing a particular emotion, or that person may recognize that someone else is experiencing an emotion but attaches no value to that fact.  People who lack empathy are often called “insensitive” because they don’t respond to the emotions of others the way most people think they should.  

Imagine that Sally and Jim are sitting in a cafe and Sally tells Jim that she her grandfather has passed away and she begins to cry.  If Jim had an average amount of empathy he would recognize that Sally was sad and might feel awkward watching her cry or feel moved to comfort her.  If Jim lacked empathy he might not realize that Sally was upset or he might see that she was upset but not really care.  Rather than feeling badly for her, he would act the same way as if Sally had said she bought a new pair of shoes.  

It is perfectly normal for people to lack empathy some of the time.  Everyone has days where they are stressed out, angry, distracted, tired, etc., when they just don’t have the mental or emotional energy to be terribly empathetic.  A temporary lack of empathy doesn’t make someone evil.  Lacking empathy all the time doesn’t necessarily make someone evil either.  There are people with certain neurological disorders who lack the ability to empathize with others; they cannot understand the emotions of others but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care.  People can lack empathy, but still care how other people feel even if they don’t understand those feelings.  A tendency to evil arises when someone just doesn’t care what other people feel, when they attach no value to the emotions of others.  People who don’t care what other people feel with never see the wrongness in hurting others and that can lead to evil.

Dehumanization of the Other

Dehumanization is the process of making a person less than human.  When a person dehumanizes someone he mentally turns the other into something less than human, such as an animal, object, or enemy.  This usually happens when someone sees another person, “the other,” in negative ways which over time leads that person to see “the other” as undeserving of the consideration and kindness usually given to another person.  

Dehumanization is the process that allows someone to look at another human being rationalize doing terrible things to him.  Dehumanization can be personal (one person turning another into “the other”) or group (one group turning another group, or anyone not in the group, into “the other”).  For example, Jerry doesn’t like Lori.  In his mind, Jerry starts to think of Lori as a parasite, someone whose sole purpose is to get in his way and make his life difficult.  He ceases to think of Lori as another person, but as an enemy, something that needs to be defeated.  As a result instead of talking to Lori and trying to reach an agreement with her, Jerry goes out of his way to get in Lori’s way and make her life difficult because Jerry can’t “win” unless Lori “loses.”  This type of thinking also leads to feuds between groups of people.   If group A feels that its members have been wronged by group B, the members of group A may start thinking of the members of group B as a nebulous enemy, rather than individual people with their own unique thoughts and feelings.  This may lead members of group A to retaliate against random members of group B for the perceived wrong.  It is this sort of dehumanization that leads to feuds, hate crimes, and war.  Dehumanization takes away the soul and identity of another person and turns him into “the other.”

Selfishness

Selfishness goes hand in hand with lack of empathy and dehumanization.  As we all learned as children, selfishness is putting one’s own needs and desires above those of others.  As with lacking empathy, everyone has times when they act selfishly.  This is perfectly normal and, at the right times and in the right amounts, can even be healthy.  It is when selfishness is chronic that it becomes a problem.  We all know someone who always has to do things his or her own way and will always take what they want whenever they can, regardless of how it affects others.  Those who consistently put their needs and desires above those of others are unpleasant and often mean, but selfishness alone does not make someone evil.  It is when selfishness is combined with a lack of empathy and a tendency towards dehumanizing others it has disturbing implications.

Selfishness makes someone consider their own needs and wants to be more important than those of anyone else.  Couple that selfishness with a lack of empathy and the selfish person will not see the affects of their actions on others as being important or meaningful.  Combine that with a tendency towards dehumanization and anyone who stands between a selfish person and his or her goal becomes “the other,” a less than human obstacle with no value and no rights.  When they obstacle to someone’s goals is an object with no value and no rights, anything act against that object is justified and incredible harm is often a result.  When acted upon, the combination of lack of empathy, dehumanization, and selfishness is what leads to evil.  

Cruelty

Cruelty is a tendency to inflict pain or suffering on others due to indifference to or enjoyment of that pain.  Cruelty is seen as morally wrong in just about every culture on earth.  When you combine a tendency towards cruelty with the qualities above you have evil.  Any act that combines cruelty with a lack of empathy, dehumanization, and selfishness is going to be horrible - likely beyond horrible.  We will go into examples of this in subsequent lessons.

Ostara

A blessed Ostara to you! It's hard to believe it's spring already.  The weather around here has been snowy off and on, windy, and cold.  The wolves of winter are not giving up without a fight this year.  The only sign of spring I've seen is the fact that I've got an extra hour or two of daylight (not exactly sunlight) when I get home from work and a few sad daffodils braving the muck.  Honestly, I feel like it's still time to hibernate.  I think it's time for some serious spring cleaning to jump start a change in my energy.