21 February 2015

Pop Culture Magick: Working with Villains

First off, a huge thank you to all who attended my workshop at Pantheacon! You people are the absolute best.  I really mean that.  There is nothing more rewarding than being able to share what I do and actually see the look of understanding on peoples faces as they find concepts that work for them.  It gives me all kinds of warm fuzzies :)

I've been asked by several people to do a more in-depth write-up of the material for folks who weren't there and for those who didn't take notes and this is it.  If you're not already familiar with the basics of Pop Culture Magick (PCM) I suggest you go over to my PCM index and read through my earlier articles.

Why Work With Villains?

When choosing what pop culture character you want to work with for any particular magickal act; the choice ultimately it comes down to figuring out what character you feel most comfortable with that can help you achieve your goal in the manner you want it achieved.  For most people most of the time, that character is going to be a hero because they're generally helpful, hardworking, and kind.  However, there are circumstances where the moral forthrightness of your average hero can hinder your goals more than help them (and not just when you're being naughty).

It is critical that you feel comfortable with whatever character you choose to work with.  The sympathy and connection we feel with a character is what makes PCM so effective.  For those of us that do the occasional bit of ethically grey or unambiguously black magick it can be difficult to achieve that kind of connection with your standard hero.  (I'm pretty sure Captain America would give me his disappointed face if I tried to work with him.)  Villains, on the other hand, tend to be very non-judgmental.  It's not like they can take the moral high ground with you, unless you've been a very naughty monkey indeed.  Not being overly burdened with morality, villains tend to embrace whomever can make their existence more entertaining.

Even if your magickal goal is a pure as the driven snow, sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to get all your moral ducks in a row before acting.  As they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.  Villains are generally unburdened by guilt and as a result will do whatever is necessary to achieve their goal.  Many of them tend to be ruthless, efficient, and thorough; though a goodly number are also insane, capricious, and flighty - choose your villain carefully.

For What Types of Workings are Villains Best Suited?

Surprisingly (or not), villains are good at a lot more than simply wreaking havoc upon the unsuspecting.  The following list contains some magickal goals you might consider working on with a villain.
  • Bringing hidden things into the light (often being dragged kicking and screaming)
    • Villains are exceptionally good at ferreting out hidden secrets and exposing them.  My favorite example of this is Sweet from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - a demon who reveals the truth of a situation by making the people involved sing.  (If you haven't seen the episode Once More With Feeling, I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.)
  • Shaking up stagnant energy (also known as "running amok")
    • There are many villains in pop culture whose goals involve "saving" society from itself, usually by tearing down the established order of things.  When things in your life have ground to a halt and you're willing to take more extreme measures to get energy moving again you can consider working with villains like Ra's Al Ghul from Batman or  Ozymandias from Watchmen.
  • Standing up for things frowned upon by society at large
    • As with the above, many villains are anti-establishment and are happy to work against prevailing societal mores.  A great example of this is Dracula - a character that in many of his incarnations represents an unleashing of forbidden desires and a threat to society (I'm particularly fond of the version from Carlos Fuentes's Vlad for this purpose). 
  • Persuasion (manipulation if we're being totally honest)
    • Many of the best villains are absolutely as slick as they come.  They could sell ice to an Eskimo, charm the pants off of your mother, and convince just about anyone to do just about anything.  Just a few of the many villains who can fit this bill are Hannibal Lector, Lex Luthor, Sher Kahn, Loki, etc.
  • Focus and single-minded pursuit of a goal (regardless of collateral damage or personal cost)
    • If you find yourself constantly being distracted from achieving your goals you can call on villains for help, as many of them are absolutely obsessed with achieving their own goals.  Just be careful, as you may end up just as obsessed as they are.  Some examples of this are: Voldemort, Amora (from the Thor comics), and Fiona Goode (from AHS: Coven).
  • Justice/Revenge
    • A lot of villains raison d'etre is to take revenge on those who they believed have wronged them and many would be only too happy to help you to do the same (as ruthlessly as possible).  A good example of this is the Penguin (particularly from Batman Returns).  It's also a good cause for a "villain for hire" like Moriarty from the BBC Sherlock.  Keop in mind that there are also a lot of totally ruthless anti-heros that would do just as good of a job such as The Punisher, Eric Draven (from The Crow), and the Bride (from the Kill Bill movies).
  • Hexing
    • There comes a time in every practitioner's life when they just need to hex the ever living fuck out of someone.  There are plenty of villains that would gleefully help you to do so.  Think Bellatrix Lestrange.  There are consequences to doing something like this.  Don't be stupid about it.

The Rules

Like any other kind of magick, there are rules (more like guidelines) for successfully working with villains.

Rule 1 - Version Control

I have a whole blog post from last year on versions control: Who's Your Doctor.  If you haven't read it yet I suggest you do so (that way I don't have to rehash everything). 

While version control is important in any kind of PCM, it's doubly so when working with villains.  One of the primary characteristics of many villains is that they are trixy bastards and generally enjoy making trouble. Being extremely careful and explicit about exactly which version of a character you want to work with can save you a lot of trouble.  Such specificity ensures that you get the version of the character that has exactly the attributes you want to work with and nothing extraneous or unexpected (but always expect the unexpected - we'll talk about that more in a little bit).

Rule 2 - Know Your Goal

Before working with a villain (or any other entity) it is important to know exactly what you want to accomplish - and what you do not want to accomplish as collateral damage.  Working with a villain is a lot like working with faeries or Goetic demons - they will do exactly what you say, rather than what you intend, and they will do whatever they want within the rules you set up for them.  You can't set up your rules if you don't know exactly what you want.

Rule 3 - Know Thyself

You've chosen to work with a villain. Why? Are you really OK with the methods your chosen villain is likely to employ in the pursuit of your goals? Are you willing to accept responsibility for the consequences of your actions? Are you confident you will be able to keep your villain in line or will it go rogue the second you let your guard down? Are you comfortable with the price the villain wants for doing your work? Unless you're comfortable with the answers to those questions then you need to rethink what you're doing.

Rule 4 - Healthy Limits

As mentioned above, it's important to give a villain very strict limits as to what they are allowed to do in your name. Most villains will walk all over you if given half the chance.  Be very, very careful to explicitly set down what they are and are not allowed to do, to whom, why, when, where, etc.  Write it down on physical paper.  Do not fuck around with this.   

Rule 5 - Expect the Unexpected

You are not perfect and most villains will mess with you if they can.  Even if you've set down perfect rules, even if your goals are in perfect alignment with the villain's character, even if you've given them everything they ask for, villains can usually find a way to do something you could not predict.  Think of your worst possible case scenario of working with a villain - it just might happen.  No matter how good you are it is always possible for something to go wrong.  If you're not OK with that, rethink what you're doing. 

Payment

Like working with any other spirit/metaphysical entity, villains should receive something from you in exchange for their help.  In fact, this is far more important when working with villains than when working with heroes.  You do not want to end up owing a villain a "favor" (think of it like owing a mob boss a favor - do not want!). 

What villains want in exchange for their help varies wildly from character to character.  For some being asked to cause a bit of trouble is a reward in and of itself, but most want a bit more.  Come prepared with what you're willing to pay them, you don't want to let them come up with something on their own.  Think of something that is very specific to the character you're working with.  You might offer Fiona Goode a nice dry martini and some cigarettes while you might offer Hannibal Lector a gourmet meal.  You might offer Dracula a bit of your own blood, while you might offer Sweet a painful truth of your own.  Be sure that you don't offer too much of yourself - if you give a villain an inch it might take rather more than you anticipated.

A Caveat

Villains are not nice.  Even if they like you, even if you've got a great working relationship with them, never forget that they are villains.  Trust cautiously.  Take the greatest of care in all your dealings with them and be prepared to accept the consequences.

Further, working with villains can affect who you are.  You are deliberately entangling your personal energies with theirs and that can have great impact on who you are.  It can change you.   If you decide to work with villains (particularly if you're being ethically...ambiguous), I highly recommend you do some unquestionably positive work to help balance things out.  Go out and do some volunteer work in your community, donate to charity, give blood, do something to make the world a better place.  You certainly don't have to, but it's a really good idea.  Think about the person you want to be and make sure that you're not moving away from that person.

Shameless Plug!

Megalithica Books, an imprint of Immanion Press (Stafford, U.K./Portland, OR, U.S.A) is seeking submissions for The Pop Culture Grimoire 2.0.

This anthology explores pop culture magic and Paganism in the 21st Century. We invite you to share your pop culture magic practice, pop culture Pagan spirituality, and your experiments, spells, and other workings that have integrated pop culture into your spiritual practice.

If you have an interesting idea, we need you to submit a first draft (of the idea, not necessarily the whole article) by March 15th.

Click here for more information

12 February 2015

Pantheacon 2015

It's that time of year again folks!  Pantheacon starts tomorrow!  If you're in the bay area head over to the Doubletree in San Jose and join the glorious insanity that is Pcon.

This year I'm presenting two (that's right two!) workshops: Pop Culture Magick - Working with Villains, and Magickal Munitions - Magickal Defense in Urban Environments.  PCM will be on Friday night at 9pm in San Martin/San Simeon and MM will be on Sunday at 7pm, also in San Martin/San Simeon.

Stop by and say hello! Mention this blog post and you'll give me warm fuzzy feelings :)

Direct Download for Handouts (these will be live for at least six months after the presentations):
Pop Culture Magick: Working With Villains
Magickal Munitions

02 February 2015

Daily Practice for Defensive Practitioners

Daily practice is exactly what it says on the tin: a set of magickal practices that you do every day.  For the defensive practitioner this means performing at least one quick and easy protective and/or cleansing practice a day, often more than one.  There are many benefits to maintaining a daily defensive practice that include better metaphysical hygiene, strengthening magickal foundations, and mental comfort.


Deliberately incorporating protective measures into your daily practice is important both for the immediate magickal benefits and their effect on your overall magickal fitness.  Like any other skill set, magick must be practiced in order for a practitioner to rise to their potential.  Just as a sprinter needs to constantly train in order to be as fast as they can be, a defensive practitioner needs to practice protective and defensive magicks on a regular basis in order to have such magicks at their fingertips at all times.  Since we don’t live in a world where we need to practice such magicks all the time (constant attack only happens in fiction or if you are really, really unfortunate), incorporating them into daily practice is the best way train your defensive magick muscles. 

Daily protective practices are also a wonderful mental touchstone for soothing jangled nerves.  After a certain amount of time being a magickal practitioner out and about in the world you begin to notice, for good or ill, more of the metaphysical world.  Realizing just how surrounded we are at all times by the unseen can be frightening and can lead to a fair amount of paranoia.  This is not necessarily a bad thing.  As Jim Butcher, says, “...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.”  A certain amount of healthy paranoia will give you incentive to actually perform your daily protection practices.  At the same time, your daily protection practices will calm your paranoia.  Do not underestimate the importance of daily practice’s ability to help calm and ground you.  A freaked out practitioner is rarely at the apex of their skill level.  A practice you do every day will come naturally and easily no matter how unsettled you are and will do wonders to bring down your blood pressure and put you back in control of your mind and body.  In a clinch this can be the difference between successful defense and much unpleasantness.

Unfortunately as important and helpful as it is, daily practice is one of the great bugbears of the magickal community.  Like getting regular exercise and eating well, we all know we should do it but many, if not most, of us struggle with actually making it happen.  Stress, fatigue, changes in our schedule, and boredom can all make doing our daily practices difficult.  The two greatest adversaries to successful daily practice are undoubtedly stress and boredom.  

When we’re stressed out and pressed for time it’s easy to let our daily practices slide in favor of dealing with our stressor or just plain freaking out.  It’s always a mistake to forego our daily practice when we’re stressed because that very practice can actually help us deal with that same stress.  Taking five or ten minutes to meditate or do a quick grounding exercise can clear our heads and make dealing with our stress easier.  Of course that’s easier said than done with stress hormones and adrenaline pumping through our veins.  Sadly, there’s no easy solution for gaining the strength of will to do what you ought in times of stress.  It’s just a matter of deciding to do your daily practices and actually doing them.  Don’t beat yourself up if it just doesn’t happen, just try again tomorrow.

Daily practice also faces the pitfall of becoming routine and losing its power, becoming boring.  Some people take great comfort in establishing a routine and performing it over and over again, exactly the same each time.  If you are one of them congratulations, you will really enjoy establishing daily protective practices.  If you’re like me, the idea of doing the exact same things over and over again every day for the rest of your life is about as appealing as eating wallpaper paste.  

Regular daily practice requires mindful performance to retain its magick, both figuratively and literally.  No matter how many times we do the same practice or ritual we must always actively infuse it with our energy and intent in order to actually make magick.  No purposeful intent, no magick.  Routine is a double edged sword when it comes to magickal practice.  It both creates a natural path for our magick to flow through, making it easier to work magick, and can dull our attention making us put in less effort to the point where we fail to push our energy into our routine practices at all.  Mindful attention is the only real solution to keeping routine practices fresh, which is easier or more difficult depending on the way your brain works.  The only other option is to change up your daily practices so that they don’t become routine in the first place.

There are many, many options to choose from when creating your own daily practices, but I particularly recommend self-cleansing and energy checks.  Daily self-cleansing, beyond the obvious benefits, will strengthen your ability to remove negative energy from people and places - possibly the most important magickal skill in the defensive practitioner’s arsenal (other than shielding).  Trust me, this is a skill you want to be able to use anytime, anywhere, at the drop of a hat.  Daily energy checks will strengthen your ability to sense the energies both within and around you - making it far easier for you to asses metaphysical situations when you find yourself in them.  You’ll be far more confident assessing if a place is haunted or if someone’s energy is off if you are accustomed to checking the energy of people and their surroundings.  Practice makes perfect.

I recommend doing at least one protective spell or ritual daily, either first thing in the morning or just before going to bed.  Of course, doing both would be best but there are only so many hours in a day.

09 January 2015

Book Review: Confessions of a Reluctant Ghost Hunter

The other day I was looking through book reviews in back issues of The Cauldron and saw one that caught my eye.  Confessions of a Reluctant Ghost Hunter: A Cautionary Tale of Encounters with Malevolent Entities and Other Disembodied Spirits by Von Braschler was the book.  The title sounded like it was right up my alley and The Cauldron rarely steers me in the wrong way.  I wasn't disappointed.

The problem I have with most books about ghosts, hauntings, and ghost hunting in general is that they either make all ghosts seem as friendly as Casper (Oh, all ghosts want is to be loved and acknowledged.  Please, feel free to go and try to hug the angry elemental.)  or they make ghost hunters look like white knights fiercely laying to rest malevolent monsters that lurk in every corner (An evil demon, fear not! My mighty flashlight and salt shaker shall save you!).  I was delighted to find that this book did neither of those things.

This is, quite possibly, the most realistic book I've ever read on what encountering spirits and other metaphysical beings is actually like.  At first I was skeptical.  Braschler explains that his "training" to "de-ghost" houses consisted of two meetings with a cheerful new-ager who said to talk to the spirits and get them to move on, and to simply "stake and salt*" the house if it didn't want to go.  As you might imagine, this did not inspire my confidence in the tales to come.  However, Braschler then details just how insufficient that information was and how problematic it made his later encounters. 

The encounters described in this book will be instantly recognizable to anyone experienced with the paranormal as residual hauntings, intelligent hauntings, spirit flight, and non-human hauntings - though Braschler never describes them as such.  The details of the hauntings Braschler experiences are incredibly authentic in their sheer banality.  Most hauntings that you read about in books are fairly spectacular (books flying off shelves, screaming in the night, scratches on the unwary etc.), but the average haunting is just not that interesting.  Real hauntings are made of fleeting images out of the corner of your eye, odd chills at unexpected times in unexpected places, and utterly unverifiable "coincidences" that make you think you're losing your mind. These are the hauntings Braschler describes, with a few exceptions.  

The thing that most struck me about Braschler's tale that make me actually believe him is the way he describes his experience of the paranormal.  He doesn't talk about glowing lights or strange writing, he talks about having to ground and center himself and deliberately open his mind to the frequency where the paranormal can be perceived.  He doesn't describe it as easy or natural, but as a skill that requires practice and effort.  He talks about freaking himself out when going into a building that he's been told is haunted, but never really perceiving anything there that can make him confidently say the place is or isn't haunted.  He doubts his perceptions and he doubts his ability to do anything about what he perceived.  That is the reality of dealing with the paranormal: thinking you probably understand what's going on but always doubting and always needing more proof.

 There are, of course, exceptions to the normally dubious veracity of the paranormal.  I've come across the undeniably paranormal (think demons trying to eat your head) two or three times.  Braschler deals with it twice.  This is totally believable, unlike those ghost hunters who claim to banish demons every damned day.  In the last encounter described in the book Braschler gets called in by a friend to de-ghost their trailer and ends up facing down a dark non-human entity that he's woefully unprepared to deal with.  It doesn't go well. This should surprise no one.  It takes a trained and experienced practitioner to deal with the nastier dark entities. 

If you're interested in dabbling in the paranormal I highly recommend you read this book first.  Read about what actual encounters are like before you go into that purportedly haunted house.  If you recognize yourself in the stories then do yourself a favor and get some solid defensive training before you hurt yourself.

Experienced practitioners that enjoy tales of the paranormal will enjoy this too.  I know I did.



*Braschler describes the process of staking and salting a property as driving four large iron spikes (think railroad size nails) into the ground at the cardinal points of the property and calling the watchtowers to guard the property, then to create a line of salt as a perimeter to keep the spirits out.  Yes, these actions can be a part of a successful banishing but alone they're not going to do much against something that really wants to stick around.

23 December 2014

Book Review: Hands of Apostasy

A few months ago I picked up Hands of Apostasy: Essays on Traditional Witchcraft at my favorite local occult shop Edge of the Circle.  I slowly made my way through this book and finally finished the last essay about ten minutes ago.  I must say there's something delightfully profane about reading essays on Traditional Witchcraft while listening to Christmas music.
I highly recommend this book for anyone with any interest in Traditional Witchcraft. 

The essays cover a wide range of subject matter from intensely academic explorations of historical practices to quick and easy essays on specific modern rituals.  There is not one bad essay in this book - and that's really saying something given the subject matter. 

I read this book with very, very little knowledge of Traditional Witchcraft (I'm more of a make stuff up as you go kind of gal).  The entirety of my knowledge of Traditional British Witchcraft comes from Hutton, Heselton, and Gardner - which is not a whole lot.  I think having a better background in Traditional Witchcraft would have made some of the reading easier, but I don't feel like I suffered for lack of background.  Take that how you will.

My favorite essay was the beautifully written "Mirror, Moon and Tides" by Levannah Morgan.  In this piece Morgan tells how she learned to scry naturally occurring tide pools and then sun and moon charged mirror bowls.  This essay has that rare quality of both being magically interesting and informative while also being a work of literary quality that actually moves the spirit.  I pretty much loved every word.

I also particularly enjoyed "Waking the Dead: The Ancient Magical Art of Necromancy" by Michael Howard and "Conjure-Charms of the Welsh Marches" by Gary St. Michael Nottingham.

My only criticism (that's barely a criticism) is that the reading level of these essays vary tremendously, to the point where it can be a little jarring as you move from essay to essay.  However, that's not a problem at all if you put the book down between essays; which you really should because these essays require thought and post-reading pondering.  A few of the essay are very dense and very academic - to the point where I actually had to break out the dictionary several times.  I have a BA in philosophy and a JD; I read Heidegger for fun. When I say an essay is difficult to read I really mean it.  It's totally worth it though.

Truly, if you have any interest at all in Traditional Witchcraft go directly to your local high quality occult shop or directly to Three Hands Press and get this book.

18 December 2014

Mistletoe

It's almost Yule and here in the US it means that there's mistletoe hanging in every department store and many homes.  In most places this means plastic mistletoe, but some folks go the extra mile and manage to find fresh mistletoe.  It's lovely and very festive.  It also means that there are some stores I just can't go in.  Yes folks, I do not like mistletoe or - more accurately - mistletoe does not like me.

A few years ago I was hanging out in a lovely cemetery in Medford, Or and as I walked into a particular area I felt an intense aversion to it - like something really didn't want me there.  I looked up and realized I was standing under a huge clump of mistletoe in an oak tree.  Then I noticed that all of the trees in that part of the cemetery were completely infested with mistletoe, while the area I had been in before was mistletoe free.


Mistletoe Berries Uk. Licensed under PD via Wikipedia.

I didn't think much about it until I was in another Southern Oregon and had a similar experience.  Apparently mistletoe and I do not get along.  Being near too much of it absolutely makes my skin crawl.  Something about its energy and mine are just antithetical. 

This rather bizarre phenomenon made me look up some of the history and lore surrounding mistletoe.  Mistletoe is sacred to Druids and is believed to protect against evil and death (as well as lightning and a few other things).  The most famous story associated with mistletoe is its involvement in the death of Baldur, the Norse god of beauty and light (in brief: Loki did it); but despite this it is still considered a largely beneficial plant in Norse mythology.  So why does it make me feel like it hates me? 

Well, I did find one bit of lore saying the mistletoe works as protection against baleful witchcraft.  Now, I don't make a practice of casting baleful magick but a lot of what I do is a bit...well..gunmetal grey if not black exactly.  So it's possible that mistletoe just doesn't get along well with shadow magick or maybe just my flavor of it.   Very weird.

Resources
http://sunchyldes.blogspot.com/2014/12/on-seventh-day-of-yule-mistletoe.html

http://www.thewhitegoddess.co.uk/articles/mythology_folklore/mistletoe.asp

http://www.witchipedia.com/herb:mistletoe

http://witchesandpagans.com/and-the-mistletoe.html

07 December 2014

Being a Mixed-Race Pagan Today

When everything started with Ferguson I wasn't going to talk about it.  When people started protesting I wasn't going to talk about it.  But you know what, with all that's happening at the moment I think I really need to talk about it.

Little ol' me
When most people look at me they don't think, "Oh, she's a latina" or "she's mixed-race" because I look pretty ethnically ambiguous.  I grew up comfortably middle-class in a liberal white bread suburb, and because I didn't look different enough for most kids to see me as "other" I wasn't really aware of race until I got older.  Of course, I also thought it was completely normal to have tostones and pasteles along with roast beef for Christmas dinner. 

However, as I got into my teens my mom started telling me stories about growing up in segregated military bases and having to sit on the upper balconies in movie theaters and having to use different drinking fountains.  It was a hell of a shock to me to think that my mom had been subjected to such insanity and the idea of anyone being treated differently because of their race was just unthinkable to my Edmonds bred mind.  The reality of her experiences were so foreign to me that I really had trouble processing them at all, let alone with any kind of relationship to my own ethnicity.  The only times I've ever had someone call my ethnicity to attention were when I was in all Hispanic neighborhoods and people spoke Spanish to me too quickly for me to understand - hardly a problem.  I've been lucky enough never to have faced prejudice because of the color of my skin (for religion, lifestyle, and fashion choices sure, but never race).

Me with my Panamanian/Puerto Rican mom and my Russian Jewish dad in 2003

My incredible good fortune along with my six of one half a dozen of the other genetics makes talking about race really hard.  Which side of the fence am I on?  My mom always called me heinz 57 sauce because I'm a mix of so many different things.  I always just called my ethnicity "slush."  I can certainly talk about white privilege because I grew up having it.  Although I am a Latina (my genetic need to feed people to show my love can attest to it), I feel like claiming my heritage is disingenuous because I never really suffered for it (unless you count some oddly skewed cultural views).  So if I stand up to speak against racism and inequality, where I am standing?  No, you don't have to be oppressed to speak out against oppression but it still feels really weird, like I'm claiming something that isn't really mine. Being mixed race makes thinking about race really complicated, let alone talking about it.  

So what does all that mean for me as a Pagan?  It means I feel an incredible amount of sympathy for the issues faced by Pagans of Color, but that I feel like a bit of an imposter going to things like the Pagans of Color Caucus.  While I'm certainly not an activist by any definition, I feel like it's my responsibility, as someone who just needs to spend some time in the sun to be obviously ethnic, to speak out against injustice.  As Pagan and an animist I see these renewed (or I suppose not renewed, just spotlighted) prejudices to be incredibly harmful not only to those who suffer them directly, but for everyone whose energy is poisoned by them.  As a Pagan I believe that nature is a living thing to be venerated and respected and that such incredible injustice and suffering can only be blasphemous to the sanctity of the earth.  That means I have to stand up and do something about it, but what? 

What can I do to help with this enormous, culturally systemic problem?  How much of my own upbringing is part of the problem?  If I can hardly think about my own race how am I supposed to stand up for someone else's?  Beginning to see the big problem here?  If I were a healer I'd probably start doing daily workings to change the energies that fuel the problem - but I'm not.  If I were an activist I'd go to protests, hand out leaflets, and get in people's faces - but I'm not.  I'm a shadow worker.  That means I tell bald truths and bring people out of their comfort zones.  That means that I can't lie to myself about my own privilege and prejudices. 

So this is me being really, really honest.  Talking about race makes me uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable with my own race - because I have a really hard time determining what it actually is.  But in times like these I need to get over my own issues in order to help others.  Seeing people lose their lives because an authority figure was scared of their race is utterly reprehensible.  To see those authority figure let off without penalty makes me sick.  As an attorney the utter miscarriage of justice is incomprehensible to me (I mean seriously, just read the laws).  As a human being the entire situation makes me despair.  Something about how we are educating people in power and how we are training our law enforcement officers is wrong. 

Being irrationally afraid of someone because of a lack of understanding or empathy is the beginning of a slippery slope of fear and violence.  We are all human beings and need to be treated as such.  Being treated as a human being with thoughts and feelings should not be based on your race, gender, orientation, religion, or any other factor.  Are you a human being? Yes, then you have the right to live your life.  Where is the difficulty in that?  So yeah, I pretty much hate this.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)