13 November 2013

Change Is Good

One of the key aspects of Shadow Work is letting go of the things that no longer serve you.  Of course, that is usually easier said than done.  I never said Shadow Work was easy now did I?  In fact I think it's more worthwhile because it is difficult - but I'm a bit of a masochist.

As you may have noticed, I haven't been particularly active of late.  I haven't written anything substantial in a while.  I've been suffering from ennui of the most emo kind, to the point where I'm a little bit disgusted with myself.  This state of things cannot stand, therefore it's time for me to suck it up and look at the things that are creating all this damnable inertia and act like the shadow worker I am.

I had to take a good long look at how I've been spending my time and determine which of those things are actually feeding my soul and which ones aren't.  I came to the realization that some of the things I've dedicate a good portion of my adult life to just aren't serving me anymore and it's time to move on.  It's kind of like when you've been watching a television series for years and one day you realize that it's actually sucked for a while now and it's time to stop watching (if you're a completist like me that's actually really, really hard).  You still kind of love it, but it's just not where your energies need to go.

Death in the Shadowscapes Tarot
What were my big clues that it was time for a drastic shift?  First off, I stopped looking forward to spending my time on things.  Then I started avoiding them.  Then I just sort of stopped doing the things I was supposed to do and didn't even want to talk about them.  Then one day I realized that I don't actually care about fixing the problems I was presented with.  That was the kicker for me.  I'm a puzzle person.  There is nothing I like better than being presented with a challenge and then twisting my brain until I can come up with a solution.  I love problem solving.  It makes me all tingly.  When I don't want to solve a puzzle, then I am well and truly gone.
The Tower in the Shadowscapes Tarot

And so I now have to face the rather frightening prospect of saying goodbye to something that has become part of my identity.  There's a reason that big changes in life are indicated by the Death and Tower cards in tarot.  On the one hand this is going to create a void in my life - which is very scary, and on the other this is going to create a void in my life which can be filled with something significantly more awesome - which is very exciting.  I'm going to do my best to be a glass half full person just this once so I don't start hyperventilating into a paper bag.  I'm going to choose to be excited by the prospect of doing something better for myself and allow myself to be proud of making a hard decision.

Now that the decision is made I actually have a lot more energy for interesting things, like shadow magick (all magick actually), so expect to see more of me again.

**Update 11-19-2013 It's official now, so I can say what the change is.  As of December 1st I am leaving the Grey School after nine years.  It's incredibly liberating :) **

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