Why I Teach

As I prepare to launch my correspondence courses (shadowkrafting.com coming soon!), I've been reflecting a lot on my own personal philosophies and the reasons why I teach magick.  So I'm going to tell you the story of my very first ever Pagan ritual and why I teach magick the way I do.

Me my first year at Wellesley

It all began back in the fall of 1999 during my first semester at Wellesley. I'd been interested in magick for a little while at that point, but had only read a few books and tried a few things on my own.  Then one day I saw a friend of mine draped out in a flowing black cape and I asked where she was going.  She explained that she was on her way to the Pagan Students Group (PSG) Samhain ritual.  I asked if I could tag along, she allowed it, and we made our way to the ritual.

I wasn't exactly prepared for what I experienced.  I'd read about the Sabbats and rituals, but I had zero experience.  I hadn't really started my formal practice and only knew the bare minimum of how things were "supposed" to go.  So I just followed along what everyone else was doing and followed the HP's instructions...for the most part. 

Oh yes, my very first ritual and I was already doing my own thing (not exactly a genius move in hindsight).  We did a meditation to go to your astral temple and do something I can't recall.  Well, I didn't really have an astral temple per se, but I did have a spot that I would go to that would later become my astral temple.  While the HP led the group in whatever astral activity we were supposed to be doing, I went off on my own down a path into a dark forest.  As I said, I knew almost nothing and had no idea how dangerous that could be.  Luckily enough, when I got to the end of the path I found myself in a clearing surrounded by what I can only describe as my true family.  There were perhaps a dozen people there, all magickal folk, all welcoming me home.  It felt like being bear hugged by a star.  I felt my entire being shake and shift in that moment and I knew without a doubt that I had finally found my path.  To this day it is one of the most profoundly sublime moments of my life.

As the ritual ended I was excited and vaguely terrified (but in a good way) by what I had experienced.  I pulled my friend aside and explained what I experienced.  She was rather baffled by it and we went to the HP to ask her opinion of what had happened and to see if she could advise me.  I'm not sure what I expected from her, but what I got was: "Well that wasn't what you were supposed to do."  No understanding.  No advice.  No help whatsoever.  I had just had the most profound magickal experience of my life and she was totally uninterested.  Needless to say I was less than impressed by her leadership.

From that day forth I made it my mission to make myself available to anyone who found themselves in my former position to give them the help I wish I had gotten.  So I did what I do best and I obsessed with every fiber of my being until I was an expert.  I've now been teaching for almost a decade and have seen many students grow into powerful practitioners.  It's been a long and difficult journey, but a rewarding one. 

Me by my Junior year - President of PSG

That is why I teach - because when I needed a teacher the most there wasn't one to be found.  That is why I will answer just about any question people will put to me. I teach defensive magick because the things I experienced at Wellesley freaked me out and there was no one to advise me.  I try to make sure my courses are easy to understand and as practical as possible.  The most boundless knowledge is nothing if it can't be understood.  All the theory in the world is useless if it can't be put into practice.  I put exercises in my lessons so my students can get real practice so they can be prepared when they need to be.  I'm happy to talk to students about the issues they face in their lives because I would have given up favored body parts to have had that back when I was new.  I teach in the hopes of helping people to not be the frightened newbie that I was.

The Shadow of Music

Last Friday I had the pleasure of performing my absolute favorite shadow magick ritual.  I went to a Nine Inch Nails concert.  Oh yes, when approached with the proper mindset the right concert can absolutely be used to facilitate a deeply transformative magickal experience.

Unlike any other art, music has the ability to penetrate your entire being, particularly live music.  Music touches us not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well.  There is nothing like the physical feeling of that first bass note thrumming through an arena; feeling your sternum vibrate and resonate with every single person both on stage and in the crowd.  When the musicians hit the stage the outpouring of energy back and forth between the band and the audience is visceral and intense.  Live music creates an energetic resonance between everyone who hears it, creating a circuit of movement and life.  A good concert raises is the finest ritual magick.

In order for a concert to facilitate shadow magick it needs a few things.  First, the music must speak to your shadow.  Second, you must feel safe enough in the venue to be open to your magick taking you somewhere unexpected.  Third, you need to be good enough (or have someone with you who is good enough) to shield what you're doing so it doesn't interfere with the people around you.  Fourth, you need to have a safe space afterwards for decompression and grounding.

The first thing you have to consider is the music itself.  The purpose of shadow magick is to open ourselves to our shadows, get to know them, and to play nice with them.  Happy, shiny, bubble gum pop is not going to help you work with your shadow.  You're going to need to go into the darker stuff: music that expresses pain, anger, sorrow, grief, helplessness, etc. - the emotions of the shadow.  Music is a wonderful way to safely integrate these shadows because it can be an intense emotional and energetic release that doesn't hurt anyone, regardless of how dark those shadows are.  (Yes, you can argue that some music fuels the shadow in a negative way - encouraging bad behavior like violence and misogyny.  It comes down to personal responsibility.  If you don't think you can loose yourself in the music without acting on its suggestions then you are probably not ready for shadow work.)  For me, Nine Inch Nails expresses my shadow just about perfectly; it's dark and intense and resonates with all the scary bits that live inside my head.

You'll need to take the concert venue into account before deciding to use the concert magickally.  Shadow magick, when done correctly, is very intense.  We're talking uncontrollably shaking or sobbing levels of intensity.  It's amazing, but intense.  The venue needs to be such that you're actually comfortable letting things potentially go that far.  If you know that freaking out it going to get you pummeled, perhaps you should just enjoy the show rather than trying to work it.  I only do shadow magick at concerts where I'm comfortable with the venue (and its security staff) and only when I've got a magickally skilled friend to act as a spotter.  I'm quite capable of shielding myself in a way that I can have a magickal meltdown and not get it on other people's shoes, and I can hold myself together through any level of shadow work that I would do in public.  However, I'm not so foolish as to think it impossible that something might happen that would be too much for me.  If you don't have a friend to spot you and you really want to work the concert then you'd better have some energetic backup plans in case something goes wonky.

If your concert's got all that going on, then you just have to make sure you have a place to decompress in afterwards.  This could be sitting in the venue for a little longer as you make your way out, it could be curled up in the back seat of the car on the drive home, a closed room at home, etc.  What you'll need will depend entirely on how intense an experience you let yourself have and how well you've grounded.  Don't leave the venue without grounding.  Concerts in general tend to energize the hell out of people, let alone to those doing magick during them.  If you're the designated driver then ground twice.  I mean it.  Ground, drink a glass of water, ground again, go to the bathroom, ground again, then get in the car.  Crashing your car helps no one.  Then get yourself to safe space and either talk out your experiences with a really understanding friend or write it out in your journal.  Shadow work is intense and you will need a record of what happened in order to look back at it objectively while you stew for the next week or so.  Trust me.

And now for the fun part: shadow magick in public. 

A good ritual warms you up, raises energy, does its work, and then brings you back down again.  A well thought-out concert does exactly the same thing.  The opening bands raise general energy levels and open you to the potential of the headliner.  A good set opens by raising energy, moves through different emotions and energy levels, peaks with songs you can get truly lost in, and then ends with tapering energy and satisfaction.  Really polished bands that work with dark energy (intentionally or not) tend to open with energetic songs, move to darker ones, and then end with cathartic songs - this is absolutely perfect for shadow magick.

The first thing I do when I get to my seat at a concert where I intend to do magick is to cast some very specific filters and shields.  First I put up an inside-out grounding shield: this is a shield designed to keep the energy I put out from getting all over the people around me.  I cast it at skin level and have it ground about 80% of what I output.  Then I put up a filter to dampen any negativity from the people around me - I'll have plenty of my own to deal with.  I also put up an aversion shield to keep drunk people away from me - basically it makes people not want to touch me and is designed to get stronger when I'm approached by folks who aren't sober.  Shadow work takes a lot of concentration and being slobbered on is not conducive to any working.  Once those shields and filters are up I'm ready to go.  I will actually lower a lot of my normal shields during a concert because I do want to allow the music to influence me more heavily than I usually allow any external energy to do.  I also want to benefit from the collective resonance of the crowd; there is nothing like the energy of a crowd of 10,000 people all singing the same song with the same emotions. 

Once the music starts it's just a matter of letting go.  For me that's the hardest part.  Let down your walls, let down your regular shields, stop trying to be cool, stop trying to bury your shadow, remove the stick from your ass and just let go.  Close your eyes and feel.  Feel the resonance of the music shaking your sternum.  Feel the energy of the music penetrating your normal barriers and let yourself resonate with it.  Allow the music to guide your energies.  Let your shadow sing and dance and release. 

Let the music guide your experience.  If you don't want to follow the energy of a certain song, just pull back a little and just listen.  When you're ready to dive back in just do so.  You are the only judge of your experience.  Some songs will resonate more than others.  You might find yourself crying during some songs, raging during others.  That's ok.  Let the energy out by singing or dancing.  You might have visions during your experience (no hallucinogens necessary or desired), that's normal.  You can learn startling things about yourself when you let your shadow out to play.  It may show you things about yourself you never knew or wanted to know, but that knowledge is important.  Just because it's a little dark and misshapen doesn't mean that your shadow isn't an important part of who you are.  Accept what your shadow has to show you, remember it, and then let the emotions attached to it release with the music.  Let your shadow take hold of your voice and let it sing out and let go for you. 

When the concert's over don't be surprised if you're a little shaky, especially if it's your first time doing this.  The combination of excitement and catharsis is a heady mix and it can leave you vibrating with energy or utterly drained.  It all depends on both the intensity of your experience and how well the last song brought down the energy of the crowd.  If you need to, just sit down and put your head between your knees and breathe.  Ground like you've never grounded before.  Eat something. (I like to keep a package of almonds or a granola bar in my bag for just such occasions.)
I tend to be a bit twitchy even after grounding after doing any intense working, so I like to take a walk or do something physical just to calm down and clear my head.  I will often do readings after a working like this to help wrap my head around the things that come up. 

All in all, workings like this are designed to help integrate the shadow by bringing it to the surface and letting it release.  It's amazing how good it feels to let that kind of energy go in a way that is safe and socially acceptable.  We all face huge amounts of pressure to conform in our daily lives, so indulging in the shadow is incredibly cathartic.  It's sort of like having a huge holiday meal after months of dieting: you can't really do it all the time, but damn it's awesome.

If you liked this post you should check out my previous post: Magick of Music

Shadow Magick Correspondence Course

Due to popular demand I'm developing a correspondence course in Shadow Magick.  The plan is for it to be available starting Samhain (October 31st) of this year.  I've got a pretty decent start on it, but I need your help in deciding what should be included in the course.

The course will start of with the basics of shadow work and the psychology of it, then move on to how the shadow can be used in magick.  There will be a lot of work on identifying your own shadow and figuring out how to work with it, as well as what to do once you've gotten a handle on it.  What I need to know is what specific concepts and practices folks want to learn about.

What do you folks find most interesting about shadow magick?  Is it the personal exploration and psychic strengthening?  Is it the application of shadow work in magickal practice?  The dark side of more traditional works?  Something else entirely?  I want to know.

You can let me know either by commenting on this entry or via email: emily [@] e-carlin.com

I really, really want to hear from you!

Santisima Muerte

If you go into any well stocked grocery store in the Western US you've probably seen the 7-day saint candles that are always in the Mexican foods aisle.  If you've gone into a store that carries Hoodoo supplies or a Latin grocery store you've probably seen a lot more of them.  One of the saint's whose candles you may find is Santisima Muerte - Holy Death.  This saint is a controversial figure that is rather frowned upon by the Catholic Church but is ever increasing in popularity amongst the people. As a Latina who worships death, I figured it was high time I investigated the Mexican folk saint Santisima Muerte. 

Santa Muerte altar

Santisima Muerte seems to have originated as the personification of the darker side of the divine feminine.  As such she's often seen as the photo negative of the Virgin Mary.  She may also have her origins in the Aztec goddess of the Underworld, Mictecacihuatl.  Traditionally Santisima Muerte is the patron saint of a "good death" and has the ability to provide protection and justice.  These days her area of expertise seems to have grown to include bringing back wayward lovers, healing, protection from violence, revenge/cursing, and even bringing good fortune.  It seems like whenever any spirit/saint/deity/etc. gets popular enough that figure slowly becomes the one you petition when you want anything at all.  This seems a little odd to me.  I, personally, wouldn't call on a death figure for luck or healing, and would stick to calling on her for protection and justice.

The practices around petitioning her are pretty much the same as working with any other saint.  It's the typical build the right altar, give the correct offerings, say the right prayers type of thing.  The main difference with working with Santisima Muerte and working with other saints is the general caution of working with any death figure: they mean business so don't petition them casually and be sure to keep your promises - they are rarely flexible or forgiving.

I always have reservations with working with any figure that's steeped in a culture and religion that isn't mine.  Santisima Muerte is definitely a Catholic flavored figure and that's particularly clear in her established orisons and novenas.  Yes, I could re-write these traditional prayers to have a more Pagan flavor and thus be more natural to me but it seems disrespectful.  She's also very Mexican, originating in Southern Mexico and being popular primarily amongst Mexicans and Mexican Americans.  This makes me pretty hesitant  to bring her into my very eclectic and multicultural practice.  However, she is a figure of growing popularity that is spreading throughout Latin America and is already bending and flexing to fit different local cultures.  I think that perhaps if I were to petition her in Spanish using religiously neutral language, using traditional tributa (an offering of an unglazed clay pot filled with water containing 7 coins and 7 white flowers left at the gates of a cemetary), she might be amenable to working with me.  I'll have to do some divination to see whether that's a good idea or not before I give it a try.

If you're interested in Santisima Muerete I'd highly recommend Santisima Muerte: How to Call and Work with Holy Death by ConjureMan Ali.  It's a concise little chapbook that nicely summarizes the current legends and practices surrounding Santisima Muerte.  It's also super cheap if you get the ebook version.

Eclecticism

If you've been reading this blog for more than an entry or two you've probably realized that I'm an eclectic practitioner.  I don't follow any one particular path or tradition; I just do what works for me.  Jason Miller just re-posted a great essay he wrote on eclecticism and if you have any interest in it at all you should all go read it.  Right now.  He's an amazing author who actually walks his talk and I have a tremendous amount of respect for him.

Eight Rules For Sane Eclecticism

Book Review: Fighting Malevolent Spirits

So on a lark I picked up the ebook of Fighting Malevolent Spirits: A Demonologist's Darkest Encounters by Samantha Harris. It's a book of one woman's accounts of performing cleansings/banishings of negative entities for others.  I'm always up for seeing how other people do what I do and their feelings on it, and hey for $10 why not? Oy vey.  I wouldn't say I enjoyed this book as much as I enjoyed pulling it apart (which I really did enjoy enough to make it worth the price).

First, my personal bias.  This book is written from a fairly mainstream spiritialist viewpoint with strong Christian tendencies and ideas.  I don't do well with Christian/monotheist terminology and viewpoints.  I'm a Pagan and a dark one at that.  I have dealt with too many close-minded monotheists (and light and love spiritualists) not to have a negative knee jerk reaction.  I had to constantly remind myself that there was nothing wrong with the author's point of view and to translate her terms into ones my brain didn't want to throw things at.  But that's my problem, not the author's.  Also, her tone is also a little overwrought at times, but no everyone can face horror with stoicism and it does make the stories more compelling to read if a little over the top.  So yeah, my review may be a little overly harsh because the author presses some of my buttons.

What this book gets wrong from my point of view

Frequency.  The author's definition of demon is way too liberal.  Just because something is happening that is paranormal and negative doesn't mean it's demonic.  There are plenty of things out there that are strong enough to make people unhappy that aren't demons.  If you've done 80+ cleansings in five-ish years you are just cleansing anything - not that you can perform too many cleansings.  My definition of demon is pretty narrow - malevolent entities that are just pure evil, not just amoral, but evil.  We're talking infernals only in my books and in the last 15+ years of messing about with dark magick I've encountered three, three!  I literally spend my free time mucking about in the darkest psychic landscapes I can find and I've had to deal with three infernals on this plain.  Quit scaring yourself, demons just aren't that common.  (And seriously, doing cleansings does not a demonologist make.)

Who's susceptible.  Ok, this is more of a word choice/tone issue than anything else.  The author repeats multiple times that demons prey on weak or ill.  Yes, people who are weakened emotionally/spiritually/psychically are easier prey for negative entities but that doesn't mean you need to be broken for a demon to mess with you.  This might be an issue of the author's broad definition of demon again - actual infernals are drawn to a lot of different types of people, not just the weak ones.  Lower level negative entities are much more drawn to those who are weakened because they need the easier prey.  Weakness/illness can cause cracks in your aura (your natural psychic barrier), making you more susceptible to psychic attack from anything.  But actual attack, from anything, is extremely rare. 

Causality.  I found a strong implication in this book that people/families who are afflicted by negative circumstances such as ill health, substance abuse, mental illness, and rashes of terrible luck are being plagued by demons and that those demons are the cause of the unfortunate circumstances.  I call bullshit.  People are plenty screwed up without the aid of demons thank-you very much.  Ill health and bad luck create negative energy that can attract negative entities, but most of the time it's just negative energy breeding more negative energy - the basic principle of like attracts like.  Bad luck and your life going to hell in a hand basket doesn't mean a demon is fucking with you.  Seriously, some times life just sucks.  However, whether the circumstances are caused by a negative entity or just pure concentrated energetic crap a seriously cleansing will help so I guess there's no harm done.  It's questionable whether letting people externalize the source of their problems causes more harm than good in the long run, but I'm no psychologist to say one way or the other.

Technique.  Ok, what the author says she does in her cleansings is fine for low level entities and general psychic smut.  Having faith and surrounding yourself with "white light" is all well and good when you're dealing with ghosts and most common fay, but it's not enough to face the truly demonic.  What the author does seems to be the general centering, shielding, and basic energetic cleansings that any magickal practitioner would know - she just doesn't call them that or bother thinking about why/how they work.  Her cleansings consist of the typical going through the house with sage and salt while reciting prayers: essentially using her psychic will to cleans and sanctify the house.  Which, as I said before, is fine for low level negativity but not nearly enough to chase out an infernal permanently. 

Lack of protection.  For the love of all you hold dear, if you're going to piss off negative entities on a regular basis you need a strong personal protection regimen.  The author doesn't say anything about what she does to protect herself from the entities she encounters and then bemoans the fact that entities constantly mess with her at home.  If you're going to much about with demons you need to shield the ever loving fuck out of your own house and cleanse like there's no tomorrow after leaving a client - no matter how well things went.  Maybe she does have a personal regimen that she doesn't describe, but since it's not in the book I assume it doesn't happen.

What the book gets right 

Symptoms. When the author describes what symptoms people experience that make them think a negative entity is around, that is when I believe her.  Sulfurous smells, nightmares, scratches of unknown origins, knocking in the walls (not caused by loose pipes or broken ducts), abrupt mood swings, odd shifts in a person's eye color, etc. are all signs that something very negative is around.  Her descriptions of the events she experiences do have all the hallmarks of negative entities, though not necessarily demons.  I you or someone you know ever experience they kinds of things she describes, it's time for a cleansing or three.

Prayer. Yes, prayer in the faith of the persons being affected can help a lot when dealing with malevolent entities.  Prayer strengthens spiritual will and makes it more difficult for negative entities to get a toe hold in a person.  Enough prayer and faith can act as a fairly effective shield against common negative entities, depending on the strength of belief of the person.  It's not an end all be all, but it helps.  Just don't expect reciting the Lord's Prayer to help an atheist - it's all about belief.

Final thoughts

All that being said, this is a book of personal accounts of what happened as the author perceived it.  There's no right or wrong to your own memories.  And, the stories are interesting and it's good to be reminded of how different people from different backgrounds approach these kinds of problems.  For me it was an interesting set of case studies where I could analyze the situations and think about what I would have done differently (which is pretty much everything, but hey I'm a shadow witch and I do most things a bit differently).  The important thing in scenarios like the ones presented in this book is that the people involved get the help they need to move forward without oppression and, at least as it's presented here, it seems the author has done that. 

Would I recommend this book to someone looking to learn how to do cleansings - absolutely not.  Would I recommend this to an experienced practitioner looking to understand the way other people do things - maybe.  I enjoyed this book in the same way I enjoy watching ghost hunting tv shows and shlocky horror movies - I enjoy entertaining stories and dissecting what people do wrong.  It's the joy of throwing popcorn at the screen and feeling smug.  This isn't a bad book, it's just one that really doesn't mesh with my experiences or my style of dealing with the paranormal.  Take that as you will.