Shadow Magick in Llewellyn's Magical Almanac

No, I have not fallen off a cliff.  I'm still here and still writing when I can.  I've spent the last few months (and will be spending a few more) stuck up to my eyeballs in a huge project at work and it's pretty much sucking my will to do anything that requires more mental effort than looking at trees and going "Oooo, pretty."  So, unfortunately you won't be getting proper regular blog posts for a while.  Sorry about that, but I gotta pay the bills.

In much happier news, yesterday my contributor copies of the 2013 Llewellyn's Magical Almanac arrived!  I've got an article in this year's edition on basic Shadow Magick.

If you're a regular reader, then you'll be fairly familiar with the content of the essay, but it does encapsulate the important points of the basic practice all in one place.  I hope you pick up a copy when it hits the shelves later this season :)

(My article starts on page 298)

Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery

Last weekend I had the great pleasure of driving down to Ashland, OR to visit the magnificent Oregon Shakespeare Festival.   On our way south we decided to finally visit the Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery.

I'd been hearing about this place for years and had always been intrigued.  It's one of those places that has a house full of insane angles that creates insane optical illusions.  This place also claims to be host to an energy vortex that warps perception and mass.  I came expecting to enjoy the optical illusions and be sarcastic about the energy claims.  I was quite surprised to find out that there actually is an incredibly strong permanent energy vortex centered in the House of Mystery.   

We arrived shortly after noon, on the only sunny day all weekend, just in time for a tour (which took about an hour).  Our guide began by going into the history of the place which has accounts of odd phenomena going back to the Native Americans.  There are old stories of mammals not liking the area, so you don't see many squirrels or rodents in the Vortex - the area is famous for spooking horses.  People tend to feel odd there as well, experiencing vertigo, headaches, pressure, etc.  I found that as we neared the center of the vortex I could feel a palpable shift in the ambient energy; akin to moving from still water into a flowing river.  As someone who can channel energy quite well I just opened myself to let the energy flow in the way it wanted to and didn't feel any negative effects.

The House of Mystery itself is an old assayers office that fell down a slope during a storm and landed all akimbo up against a tree. If you let yourself be guided by the warped visual cues it gives you, you will feel the worst vertigo of your life.  Everything feels like it's going sideways.  (photo from http://news.opb.org/article/oregon-vortex-offers-spooky-mystery-all/)

It's in the house that things really get interesting because the center of that vortex is right inside it.  According to the guide, they were recently visited by a Celtic Shaman who said that the vortex was home to a portal of some kind.  Before the guide told us where it was I went right to a spot on the floor and pointed at it, saying "It's right there." The guide confirmed that it was the same spot the Shaman had identified (confirmation that my energy senses are on track is always nice).  I don't know where that portal goes but it's definitely there.   I didn't sense anything negative about it so I felt totally comfortable playing with all the fun ambient energies.

If you're every travelling on I-5 through Southern Oregon I highly recommend taking an hour and visiting the Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery.

All is Well

Someone returned my wedding rings.

People Suck

Ok, I need to vent.  Yesterday I lost my wedding rings.  This pisses me off to an extent I find difficult to describe.  I went to the gym yesterday and forgot my rings in the locker I was using.  This morning I called the gym and they were neither in the lost and found nor the locker I used yesterday.  This means either the person I talked to was blind and didn't see them in the locker or someone made of with my wedding rings.  I'd like to give people the benefit of the doubt and hope that they were accidentally knocked into someone's bag and they'll find them later and turn them in.  I have very little hope of that.  I feel extremely stupid for leaving them in the first place and deeply disappointed in humanity for someone having taken them.  

As a shadow worker I spend a lot of time with my negative emotions and I know how angry and bitter I can be.  Hell, I'm the kind of witch that will sling a hex with no qualms, so I expected to be a lot angrier than I am now.  I just can't help wondering what kind of circumstances someone would have to live in to think that stealing someone else's wedding rings was their best bet in a situation.  They're wedding rings - these are objects that always have immense emotional significance to people.  What sort of unhappiness would someone need to dwell in to not have empathy for that?  My shadow looms large in my life and I would never, ever do something like that.  What must theirs be like?  Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone who's life is so awful and empty that their sense of decency would be so deadened.  So to whomever has my rings - you're a pathetic dick and I feel sorry for you.

Then again, maybe it really was an accident and they'll get turned in sometime over the next week.  I'm not holding my breath but it sure would be a better world if that were the case.

Book Review - Feeding Your Demons

I just finished a fabulously shadowy book called Feeding Your Demons by Tsultrim Allione that I heartily recommend to anyone interested in shadow work at any level.  The book is about the psychological technique of looking at our “demons” and nourishing and satisfying them rather than battling or repressing them.  In essence, it’s shadow work in a psychological rather than magickal framework.  

Allione bases her techniques in the Chod practice of Tibbetan Buddhism.  She outlines a five step process of identifying and visualizing your demon, asking in questions and trying to get to the root of it, and then feeding it.  I like the fact that she clearly distinguishes between hearing what the demon says it wants and identifying what it actually needs in order to progress - something that is a huge part of shadow work.  So often we think that what we want is what we actually need, when it can be just the opposite.  Looking at our problems as demons is an interesting and quite effective way of separating ourselves from those problems and allows us to look at things from a fresh perspective.  The approach of feeding, rather than battling, those demons is essentially the same as integrating our shadows.

Allione looks in depth at many different kinds of “demons” that can afflict people.  She looks at just about every ill in life as a potential demon and something that can be dealt with using her five step process - everything from disease and depression to addiction and abuse.  Her examples are very interesting, but I must admit I skimmed through the sections on demons that I didn’t think applied to me because reading about people doing the same thing in different circumstances gets a tad old.  That being said, I think all the examples are very necessary and that everyone will be able to find something that really resonates in there.  

The only other minor issue I had was the book’s distinctively Buddhist slant - and that’s only because I’m not Buddhist.  I completely respect the Buddhist view that attachment to the good things in life can be as destructive as attachment to the bad, but it’s not something I embrace.  Perhaps I haven’t reached the stage in my life where I’m ready to see through that particular lens; maybe I never will.  Just because I don’t embrace that view doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable and I think that all shadow workers would do well to at least explore those arguments.  

Overall, I loved this book and found it to be incredibly valuable.  I fully intend to explore Allione’s techniques and look forward to giving them my own witchy spin.

Shadow Work and Depression

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And first a disclaimer - I am not a psychiatrist, counselor, mental health professional, or even a terribly good listener.  This entry is about things I experience and ways that work for me to deal with them.  If you are seriously depressed I urge you to talk to someone who knows more about this stuff than me - find a good counselor, that’s what they’re there for.  And now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.
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Shadow work is a wonderful thing.  It’s enlightening, liberating, and satisfying once you’ve done it.  However, the process of going through it can be damned unpleasant.  Doing real shadow work brings up a lot of unpleasant memories and feelings.  If you’re doing things right you could be looking at a decently sized mountain of the worst moments of your life.  It’s daunting, really daunting.  If you’re not absolutely on top of things it’s easy to get sucked into the emotions that pile represents, making it very easy to slip into depression.  When this happens (‘cause it will) don’t panic – you’re not alone.

Depression is awful.  For me, depression usually take the form of extreme lethargy and hopelessness.  I look at myself dealing with the same shadows in slightly different forms over and over again and have to ask myself “what’s the point?”  It becomes impossible to move forward so I turn my back on my work and run to escapism.  Now, don’t get me wrong, a little escapism can be a very good thing.  It’s when escapism turns into avoiding what I really need to be doing that it becomes a problem.  There’s nothing worse that dredging up some old emotional horror and then running screaming for this hills because I just can’t take it, and knowing that I ran away just makes it all worse.  

Unfortunately, this seems to just be a part of the process.  If your shadows weren’t awful they wouldn’t be shadows.  If you weren’t afraid to deal with things they wouldn’t become shadows in the first place.  The fact that you’re willing to even try to look at them shows a lot of bravery.  Failure is part of the process.  

When you find yourself running away from shadow work the first step is to forgive yourself.  It sounds like psycho-babble, but it’s true.  Knowing that you’re not doing something that is important makes you feel like crap.  Forgive yourself for screwing up and get on with making it right.  The worse you feel, the more important it becomes to get up from whatever quagmire you’ve sunk into and get working again.  Of course, that’s more easily said than done.

When you’re in the middle of a deep depression the idea of getting out of bed can be daunting, let alone doing serious work.  Unfortunately, only you can figure out what you need in order to get yourself started again.  If you’re aware enough to realize that you’re stuck in depression (rather than life actually being completely worthless), then you can probably reason yourself into doing something to get momentum going again.  If not, try and show yourself a little love and forgive yourself for being stuck - and keep doing it until you believe it. 

Vampire Ball 2012

A few weeks ago I had the great pleasure of attending the 2012 Portland Vampire Ball.  It's a gothically gorgeous event and I highly recommend it to anyone in the area.  My dear friend Rae and I made the trek to Portland rather early in the day, so we killed a few hours going to see Wrath of the Titans (sometimes brainless fun is a good thing).  Apparently the main mall in Portland has an indoor ice rink in the middle of it.  Who knew?

After the movie we headed back to the hotel and Rae did our makeup (I'm cosmetically challenged and leave things to the professionals whenever possible).

Rae looked resplendent in a silver gilt coat

I went old school with a rented flamenco ensemble

Good times were had

And the night ended with the traditional black roses and chill while waiting for the cab

Can't wait for next year!