Samhain 2013 - Stuck in a Rut

Yes folks, I'm still alive.  Between work and GSW politics I've pretty much had zero energy to do my usual witchy Samhain madness.  Yes, I am stuck in a rut; a rut made of apathy, exhaustion, and frustration.  It's all I can do to just light a little incense and give thanks every day, let alone plan an execute an elaborate sabbat ritual. 

During better times I usually feel a tremendous pull towards doing magick and celebrating the season of spookiness - the one time of the year where people don't look at you like a mad person for running around a cemetery with a big grin on your face.  This year I've got nothing.  No pull.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  I am a big pile of mushy ennui.  I think my mundane stress is deadening my ability to feel anything else, let alone perform a major working.  So this year I'm not going to.

Among other things, Samhain is about renewal.  It's the Celtic new year, what better time to get rid of horrible crap that makes you nuts and reach towards something better.  Yeah, in a perfect world I'd do the whole ritual bath, major working, oaths, and whatnot for accomplishing my goals.  But it isn't a perfect world.  My shadow is currently eating my brain and a combination of pessimism and apathy (hooray precursors of horrible depression) and I just don't have the will for it.  So instead I'll just take a nice bath, light my Santisima Muerte candle and burn a little dragon's blood while reading a good book and trying to actually take care of myself tonight.  It might not be a Samhain of legend, but it's what I actually need right now.  I'm no good to the gods if I go insane.

Spell for Courage and Protection

Things have been a little funtastic in my life of late - and by funtastic I mean fucking stressful.  There comes a time for everyone when you just can't accept any more crap and you finally stand up for what you know is right.  Sometimes it's saying what other people can't or pointing out painful flaws in a plan someone is really attached to.  Other times it's calling out a bully or manipulator for what they're doing and making them look in a mirror.  Whatever the situation is, it's damned uncomfortable.  It's necessary, there can be no growth without discomfort, but it's not much fun.  It's been one of those weeks.

One of the big problems with really, deeply pissing someone off is that, whether they realize it or not, they will start throwing negative energy at you.  Most of the time this isn't a conscious thing, but it's happens anyway.  It can act a lot like a hex if you don't do something about it.  Some people might mirror it back to the sender, but in my experience that just makes things worse. 

Sometimes that negative energy can hit so strong you start to doubt the courage of your convictions.  You might know that everything you've said is true and needed to be brought out into the open, but it might get so hard that you start to wuss out.  Of course it's hard, doing the right thing is never easy.  Fighting for what you believe is hard, but it's necessary and worth it. However, when you're neck deep in psychic bullshit it's hard to remember that.

Here's a little spell to help you keep the courage of your convictions and to help you persevere in the face of adversity.

Spell for Courage and Protection

 Ingredients:
Firey Wall of Protection Oil
red candle
purple candle
small carnelian bead
rue
devil's shoestring
cinnamon chips
mandrake
tonka bean
high john the conqueror root
King Solomon incense powder
cotton bag

 Assemble all the components of the spell on your altar.  Call in any dieties you normally work with, or any protective forces you're friendly with. Explain your situation and why you need courage and protection.  Don't blame the other people, it just sours the spell.  Keep your intent positive and focus on what you need to accomplish that requires courage.  Explain this goal fully.  Focus on that goal and channel that energy into your spell components.

Put the herbs, carnelian, and incense powder into the cotton bag.  Tie the bag shut using a triple knot and then tie the strings around the bag to create a little package.

Then anoint the candles with the firey wall oil.  Put the red candle in its holder.  Light the purple candle from a tea light and then light the red candle with the purple candle.  Then set the purple candle in its holder.

Let the candles burn all the way down until they burn out (I set them in an iron cauldron filled with salt so they can do so safely).  Thank any deities or spirits you called on earlier and bid them farewell.  Now carry the bag with you until the situation resolves.

The Spiritual and the Physical

Over the last few months I've taken up running again.  Now, I feel the need to point out that I am not exactly what most people would consider an athlete. I'm not slim.  I don't have boundless energy.  I don't glow, rather I sweat like a hog. I'm a short, pudgy, diabetic with pretensions of athleticism.  I've taken up running again (I ran when I was a kid) for two main reasons: to improve my health and, more importantly, to find a better way to incorporate meditation into my life. 

Like most modern Americans, I need to exercise more and stress less.  Exercise is all well and good as a healthy habit but I really don't pick up new habits unless they support my spirituality and magickal practices.  I figured that the only way I was going to be able to really hold on to any form of exercise as a regular part of my life would be to make it part and parcel to my spiritual practice.  It's easy to make hiking in the mountains a spiritual practice because dear gods the mountains are glorious - the interurban trail is less so.  So how do I go about making my thrice weekly pounds around the neighborhood, past the quick-e-mart and the pub, spiritual?

I started off by focusing on my running technique.  I picked up the kindle version of Barefoot Running Step by Step because the idea of running in a more evolutionarily appropriate way than pounding on your heels sounded a lot less painful than what I had been doing.  I've found that running barefoot style is a lot easier and more natural than conventional running and it has an odd way of increasing mindfulness.  Mindfulness, that buzzword of the meditation scene, basically refers to the condition of paying attention to the moment rather than letting your thoughts drift about.  When you're whole mind is enrapt with the thousand natural sensations and bodily observations that running produces it's pretty hard not to be mindful.  After a few weeks of running this way I found myself finally achieving a runner's high - something I had previously thought was just a myth.

Since I seemed to be achieving mindfulness to easily just by paying attention to my feet and knees as I ran along I decided to see what other folks had to say about running meditations.  I picked up Zen and the Art of Running and was happy to find that I was not alone in feeling like running could really support my spiritual practice.  That book talks about the basics of mindfulness and attention and how to allow running or other intense physical activity to focus your attention and make mindfulness more natural. 

I find that shifting meditation time from sitting quietly and focusing on something (which I really do all day anyways) to deliberate movement (i.e. exercise) has really improved my relationship with the depths of my brain.  I've always been crap at traditional zen meditation. My mind is like a rabid hamster that runs on its wheel until it passes out from exhaustion.  Sitting and emptying my mind has really never worked for me.  Doing something intensely physical, like hiking up a mountain or running a long distance, has a way of pulling me out of my head and into my body that makes it impossible for that hamster to keep going and makes a meditative state seem natural.

Now that I'm engaging a meditative practice on a regular basis I'm beginning to appreciate what people have been saying about it for so long.  It helps me to clear my head, de-stress, and refocus my mind from everyday trivialities to more weighty things.  Anything that lets me stop worrying about groceries and my next oil change and lets my mind contemplate the complexities of the soul has got to be a good thing.  If you've been having trouble just sitting and meditating I highly recommend engaging the body with the mind instead. 

And for those of you with smartphones, I highly recommend the Buddhify app.  It's basically a guide to meditation for the busy young professional.  It's quite fantastic.