Some Doors Can’t Be Closed

Experiences with the occult tend to leave lasting impressions.  The deeper down the rabbit hole you go, the more intense the after effects.  Sometimes people end up opening doors they didn’t intend to and then have to go to herculean efforts to close them again.  Unfortunately for the unwise, some doors just can’t be closed.

A while ago I was on a road trip with a friend and we were talking about the lasting effects of working with the occult and I brought up the story of a woman I know.  This woman, who will remain anonymous, was having marital problems and was emotionally distraught.  In her desperation she decided to go against her mainstream religious beliefs and resort to a local practitioner for a love spell aimed to bring back her wayward man.  The practitioner gave her instructions and supplies so the woman could do the spell herself, which she did.  As the woman performed the spell she experienced intense magickal phenomena that freaked her right out.  She stopped mid spell in the hopes of making it go away.  It didn’t work out quite the way she hoped.  Turns out the woman had a considerable amount of natural talent and once she opened the door to the world of the occult, even just a sliver, it noticed her.  Despite the woman’s best efforts to erase her occult encounter, things never quite went back to the way they’d been before.  Many years of steadfast church attendance and liberal applications of holy water, and still the unseen world lurks near the woman - waiting for her to once more crack open that door. 


Once the unseen world sees you, it’s never going to unsee you.  Steadfast denial of the realities of the occult and calling upon “holy” power to protect you can only do so much.  Pretending the occult doesn’t exist, once you know damned sure that it does, is a lot like putting a chain link fence around your yard to keep out wolves.  Sure, if it’s high enough the wolves won’t be able to get in, but they can still see and smell you and it won’t do anything if you have to open the gate.  Calling upon other/stronger metaphysical entities for protection will work so long as you maintain their good graces, but the threat is still real.  In the case above, calling on “angels” to defend you from “demons” will keep you safe so long as the “angels” are present but it doesn’t necessarily mean the “demons” are going to forget about you any time soon - particularly if you've got a lot of natural power.  The metaphysical world is real and once something in it takes an interest in you, it might never go away. 


As wishing away the realities of the occult world doesn’t work, if you’re going to open a door you need to be damned sure you’re ready to deal with the consequences.  For most people most of the time, a little dabbling is harmless.  Things like getting a tarot reading, playing with a ouija board, going on a ghost hunt, or even doing a little minor spellwork are rarely going result in long term problems.  However, if your personal energies are just the right strength and flavor, or if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, then you can attract attention that will never go away.  It's rare, but it definitely happens.  How can you know beforehand what kind of scenario you’re walking into?  Sometimes you can’t, but most of the time it’s a matter of listening to your intuition.  If a particular place or person with occult connections makes you uncomfortable, chances are good that it’s for a reason.  If you don’t understand what’s going on in an occult/paranormal situation or feel that there’s more going on than what you’re being told, you don’t have to participate.  Do not participate in occult workings that make you feel unsafe.  Yes, there are advanced workings that can be quite risky, but if you’re performing such a rite you’ve already opened those doors and should fully understand what you’re getting yourself into.  If you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into you should really find out before you find yourself neck deep.


There are many potential consequences to getting involved with the metaphysical world.  Some of the positive effects are increased awareness of the realities of the world, a higher degree of control/influence over what was previously unseen, and the presence of helpful spirits and entities.  On the negative side, you are more likely to be targeted by negative entities simply by being more obvious to them.  Dabbling in the occult is a little like sending up a signal flare on a dark night - things are going to come and investigate: good, bad, or indifferent.  Whether or not those things stick around depends entirely on how interesting you are and the boredom of the entities.


The unseen world is unpredictable, but there are some simple precautions dabblers can take to make things less fraught with peril.  1 - Do your research.  Curious about the occult? Read a fucking book.  Talk to people that have done things.  Learn about the potential risks and rewards and understand them.  Look before you leap, it’s not that complicated.  2 - Before dabbling, learn how to shield.  Seriously, this should be the first thing anyone learns before they so much as touch a tarot deck.  3 - Have a protective item on you.  Something as complicated as a charged amulet or as simple as a token received by a loved one or even a baggie of salt will give you a better-than-nothing amount of protection from negative entities and energies.  4 - If at all possible have an experienced practitioner guide you through your first foray into the metaphysical world.  Even if you don’t have someone local to you, there are plenty of advanced practitioners online that will happily answer questions and give advice to sincere seekers.  Take the time to ask someone who knows.  We really do know things you can’t find in the books.  By taking a few simple precautions you can make your first dips into the occult far less dangerous.


Take a moment to really think about what you want before you go dabbling in the occult.  Be sure you’re really willing to let the metaphysical world into your life, because once it’s there it will never go away.  The wonders and beauty of the unseen world are impossible to fully describe, unfortunately so are its dangers.  Take the time to understand what you’re getting yourself into and then prepare yourself, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

A Reading for the Weekend

Tomorrow afternoon I leave for my annual pilgrimage to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.  It's a joy that I look forward to all year and I am delighted to have found the best possible conspirator for my cultural adventures, Rae du Soleil. 

This year we're going to see Cymbeline and an adaptation of Robin Hood.  I've not seen either, so it's very exciting.  I figured it's a big enough undertaking to warrant a reading.  I pulled out my favorite deck and this is what I got:

It wasn't quite what I was expecting.  There’s the ace of wands and the six of wands, anchored by the ten of cups reversed.  The ace of wands generally represents the spark of creativity and new intellectual adventures.  The six of wands generally means triumph and success after conflict.  The ten of wands reversed is fundamental unhappiness.  So I’m going to start something important, triumph, and be a sad bastard about it.  Lovely.  

Review - The Book of Shadows Tarot

 I stumbled across the Book of Shadows Tarot about six months ago and was immediately intrigued by the concept.  This tarot is actually two decks; As Above and So Below.  The first deck, As Above, has been out for a while now and is designed to address the spiritual side of the question at hand.  The second deck, So Below, has just come out and is designed to address the mundane concerns of the query.  Quite an interesting approach no?

As witch with some strong Wiccan leanings this tarot immediately caught my attention.  I always enjoy exploring tarot the strong Pagan or Wiccan undertones because they resonate with me a lot more than the more ceremonial and alchemical underpinnings than classic tarot, like the Rider-Waite or Thoth decks (not that I don't use them from time to time).


The So Below deck has all the cards of a standard tarot, while the As Above deck is a little different.  The As Above deck is a larger than standard tarot deck that uses its own version of the major arcana.  For example, it has The Summerlands rather than The Fool and Wisdom rather than The High Priestess.  It also has a card for each of the Sabbats.  The So Below deck has all the cards of a standard tarot deck, but with Wiccan imagery. 

Both decks have the four standard suites  The As Above deck using The Elemental, The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone as trumps.The So Below deck uses the more standard Knave, Knight, Queen, and King as trumps. 

I really enjoy the way the two decks work together.  The As Above deck is full of fantastical, mystical imagery, while the So Below deck has images of everyday life that I think will be familiar to any practicing witch.   It's nice to see a tarot system that actually addresses the dichotomy of the mysticism of the mind everyday reality.  It makes translating the reading into practical advice very easy.  The only criticism I have of the decks is that the imagery is too female heavy.  I'm a card carrying feminist (I went to Wellesley, it's sort of requires), but magick is not all female and the lack of male energy in the cards is palpable.  As a woman it's not really a problem for me, but I'd be interested to see how it worked in male hands.

I decided to do a simple 3 card (past-present-future) reading to see how the two decks work together.  I asked the simple question: what do I need to know?

From the As Above deck I got: Initiation, 8 of Air, and 4 of Fire.
From the So Below deck I got: 10 of Chalices, Knave of Wands, and The Hanged Man

From this I interpreted that in the past I had metaphysical initiation and mundane happiness.  In the present I have the mental clarity and focus of meditation, while biting off more than I can chew in the mundane (I took this to mean that my focus would help me deal with my having over loaded myself a bit).  In the future I have metaphysical action and mundane stasis - quite an odd combination.  As I'm planning to get started on my next book (which requires furious though and a still body) I'm going to take this as an OK thing.

It's an interesting combination of decks to use, but I think I like it.  I'm absolutely going to have to play with it more.

Pantheacon 2013 Recap

Two conventions on two consecutive weekends is really one convention too many.  I desperately needed a breather in there somewhere, but instead I went straight back to work to earn that pesky "living wage" thing.  Ah well.  I feel like I need to sleep for a week.  Here is my report on this year's Pantheacon.

After four days of magickal madness I was content, excited, and completely exhausted.  I have to say that this year might have been my favorite Pantheacon yet.  I went to amazing workshops, powerful rituals, and met some great people. I have to give huge kudos to the organizers this year because I think things went very smoothly, despite a bad case of con crud that decimated our numbers (including me) and made schedules a bit erratic.

I got down to California on Wednesday afternoon with the rest of our Seattle contingent and enjoyed spending a low key evening with friends that involved massive amounts of tea and sushi - as it should.  On Thursday we began our day by visiting the Winchester Mystery House, which I had always wanted to visit but had never had the chance.  It was all that I hoped it would be with its ookie yet beautiful architecture and resident spirits.  I saw the ghost of a young woman in fancy dress looking up at us angrily from a staircase.  She wasn't frightening at all, just rather annoyed with us.

We checked into the hotel that evening and were happy to see that the casino across the road had finished construction and had a decent restaurant in it.  Food is always a bit of a problem at Pantheacon since the regular hotel rooms don't have fridges and the restaurants in the Doubletree are super busy and less than spectacular.  We had a nice dinner and then I went back to my room to finalize my notes for my presentation.

Friday began early, with my pre-workshop nerves waking me up at 6:30am to finish up my handout and get it down to the printers.  We checked in and got our badges just after reg opened and had no lines or issues of any kind.  Then we sat down for a spell of people watching before heading to the presentation room.  I talked about my presentation earlier, so I won't rehash that here.

I decided to skip the next presentation slot and decompress by visiting the splendor of the vendor room.  On of the gals I was with had never been to Pantheacon before and had no idea of the garden of temptations she was about to enter.  Watching her eyes pop out of her head was quite enjoyable.  She didn't make it a quarter of the way through the room before she found something she just "had" to have.  I felt quite lucky that I both knew what the vendor room was like and that I had a full compliment of tools before going in there.  This year the vendors were really at the top of their game.

I wound down the evening quietly.  After dinner I went up to to the CoG suite and met a bunch of very cool people.  It was a little intimidating walking into an established group as an outsider seeking entry and I had to fight my nerdly inclination to sit quietly in a corner.  Why is it that I can happily present to a hundred strangers, but approaching a stranger in a one on one situation is terrifying?  The world may never know. 

Saturday began with the CAYA Waking Up the Spirit ritual.  It was a fun and engaging ritual that really started my day off on the right foot.  It was all about recognizing the divine in all the folks around us and I think it helped me to approach the rest of the con with a more open mind.  After that it was over to Kay Pannell's Magickal Stones workshop which was very interesting.  She approached crystal work as a geologist, and thus had very different ideas of which stones did which things than a lot of mainstream crystal guides.  It was really interesting and I'm quite looking forward to her writing a book about it.

Then I hopped over to the vendor room for the Grey School picture.

After lunch it was time for a little Vodou 101.  I know a little about Vodou, just what I've gotten from a few books really.  I'm coming to realize that Vodou is a lot like any other branch of magickal beliefs - you get really different explanations of the same thing from the different people you ask.  It's all quite fascinating.

That evening I went to one of the most entertaining rituals I've ever participated in: Papa Gede's Boneyard Boogie.  Oh yes, it was a New Orleans jazz style devotional to honor the ancestors.  There was singing, dancing, drumming, and a whole lot of incredible energy.  If they do this again next year I am so there :)

After that I went to an interesting presentation byJason Pitz-Water on Gods and Goddesses of the Forge.  I went to their workshop on Hecate last year that was fantastic, so I had high expectations.  I admit it was a bit of a let down.  The material was mostly interesting, but by 9pm my energy was flagging and I think theirs was too.  They spent a goodly chunk of time reading deity descriptions off a piece of paper and it was less than thrilling.

On Sunday I slept in and decided to get some Starbucks rather than run to a 9am workshop.  That left me refreshed when I went to Jason Pitz-Water's workshop Preserving Our Past, Preparing Our Future.  It was a really interesting discussion on preserving the work of our elders, making things more accessible, and bridging the divide between the old guard community elders and the tech driven solitary newcomers.  I think this and the hallway discussions afterwards were probably my most valuable moments at Pcon this year.  There's a great write-up of that workshop over on Patheos that I highly recommend.

After grabbing a quick peanut butter sandwich in my room I ran to a 1:30 over in Club Max where Thalassa was talking tarot.  This one wins as one of the most entertaining presentations I went to.  She was hilarious!  I think the technical glitches she had to deal with just made the whole thing more entertaining.  She basically talked about how she essentially scrys her tarot cards rather than following the book definitions because the book definitions rarely feel right.  Since I do tarot exactly the same way I felt quite a kinship with the folks in that room.  It was good fun.

After that is was a workshop on Public Ritual presented by the Dark Forest coven - the same group that put on Papa Gede's Boneyard Boogie.  It was a fun workshop on what to do and, more particularly, what not to do in a big public ritual.  We all had a good laugh talking about our "worst ritual moments."  It reminded me of the ritual I went to where the organizers called the quarters into the corner of the room so no one could hear them and then did what I can only describe as a symbolic great rite quickie.  Ah, memories.

I took the evening off to do some divination and catch up on some writing in my room.  By Monday morning I had completely run out of steam and spent my time having a leisurely breakfast after a mad dash to pack and check out in time for our driver to get to a 9am workshop.  I spent the rest of the morning cruising the vendor room and sitting out in the wifi area attempting to ground.

All in all it was a fabulous and utterly exhausting weekend.  I can't wait to do it all again next year :)

The Phoenix Theater

Last Friday I had the opportunity to explore the haunted Phoenix Theater in Edmonds.  A friend of mine emailed me saying that she'd met some people who were part of the theater and they were interested in getting my take on what was going on metaphysically.  I love exploring haunted spaces of every ilk, but this one was rather special to me because of my history with the space.

The Phoenix Theater is in Firdale Village in Edmonds, not five minutes from the house where I grew up and where my parents still live.  In fact, the space that is now the theater used to be the Pioneer School, where I went to first grade.  After that it became a dance studio - where I took ballet for about a year.  Firdale Village is where I would walk as a child to spend my allowance.  I wish I could say the place was creepy even then, but it really wasn't.  However, I was quite intrigued to be able to find out what happened to the space I spent so much time in as a kid.

We got into the theater around 7:30pm and warmed frozen fingers in the lobby.  My friends wanted to get my take on the space before they told me anything about what folks had been experiencing, so we went straight back into the theater area to see what I would find. 

As soon as I walked in I felt an entity up in the light booth come out an hover in the upper seats.  I asked if people generally felt like there was somebody following them or watching them from the area just below the light booth.  Apparently this is the primary claim in the theater. 

 It seems there's a ghost that likes to watch what people are doing in that upper area.  He seemed harmless enough and I said so.  I got the impression this was a ghost who simply enjoyed the energy that buzzes around in an artistic environment.

 The next thing I felt was an oddity just off the stage.  I kept getting an image in my head of people tripping in a certain spot.  I went over to check it out an asked if people tripped or felt vertigo in the area.  According to the folks we were with, this is the only area in the entire theater where people tend to trip.  Score 2 for the witch ;)

I got the impression that this was an area where energy had a tendency to pool, rather than flowing naturally.  While not inherently a bad thing, stagnant energy is a lot like standing water - it has a tendency to rot the things around it and can attract nastiness.  I told them they needed to either find a way to improve the energy flow or to start grounding it on a regular basis.  I suggested setting a bowl of salt there every once in a while to help clean things out.

That was really all that was going on in there, but for such a small space it was enough to give the place interesting energy.  We spent the rest of the evening talking about ghosts, energy, and reading tarot.  It's quite nice to go blind into a space, say what you feel, and have it match what other people experience - quite validating.  As a bonus I got to show off my tarot skills ;) All in all a thoroughly enjoyable evening.  I can't wait to see a production there and get to know the ghost a little better.

You Know You're a Shadow Worker When...

You get The Tower in a tarot reading and you're really happy about it.

This reading was in answer to my question: what will tomorrow bring?  Of course, I get the feeling the cards took me at more than my intent and answered to a longer term definition of "tomorrow" than I had intended but I'm ok with it.

This reading is The Tower, the Knight of Cups, and the Ten of cups up in the right corner.  I take this to mean that a severe swat from the cosmic frying pan is going to smack me out of my current stagnation and release a lot of pent up energy and emotion.  It will probably suck in the short term, but ultimately I'll be really happy about it.  Gods this is such a typical reading for me.

Full Moon Divination

I celebrated this full moon by doing some divination.  My preferred method of divination is tarot; I like the pretty pictures.  I have about a dozen decks, some for particular kinds of questions, others for general and everyday use, and one or two that are just to pretty not to own.  For general questions I tend to use a favorite deck for six months to a year and then switch off either to a new one or an old favorite. One of my current favorites is the Shadowscapes Tarot and that is the deck I chose for my full moon reading.

A word about me and tarot readings.  When most people think of tarot readings they envision a long haired woman in a room draped with altar cloths, air thick with incense, laying cards in particular layout and the cards having specific fixed meanings.  There's nothing wrong with that approach to tarot; I don't happen to use it.  I take a more intuitive approach to tarot.  I let the cards tell me how many need to be read and what they want to mean in any given reading, using the traditional meanings as a jumping off point.  This means that the Two of Cups might mean the meeting of soul mates in one reading, emotional satisfaction in another, or being shut out of happiness in a third.  This kind of reading gives me a huge amount of flexibility, but it also means I really have to pay attention to what I'm doing.  You can't fake an intuitive reading - you either feel it or you don't.

For this reading I asked the question, "What do you want to tell me about the coming moon?"  I shuffled the cards and several cards jumped out of the deck, with one in particular separate and above the rest. 

The card the crowned all others was The Moon, and this card was to guide the meanings of all those below it.  When I look at this card I think of the line in Midsummer Night's Dream "Ill met by moonlight proud Titania."  In this reading, this card is all about dreams.  Dreams are odd things, they can be beautiful and horrifying, light and dark, real and unreal all at the same time.  This card was telling me that this reading was about my dreams, not the dreams my brain conjures at night, but dreams for myself and hopes for the future - particularly those concerning my magickal life.

The cards that I drew underneath The Moon were: Page of Wands, Four of Cups (rev), Ten of Swords, Queen of Wands, Knight of Swords (rev), Four of Swords, and King of Pentacles.



The reading really began with the Page of Wands.  This card shows a young woman playing a violin to an audience of foxes and trees.  It represents creativity and charisma.  It is the effective communication of a creative message.  I took this to represent my efforts in magickal communication, particularly my classes and my book (you'll hear all about it soon enough).  I have a lot of hopes and plans in this arena and it definitely occupies my mind more often than anything else, so it's not surprising that it came first in the reading. 

The next card is the Four of Cups reversed.  Right-side up this card represents a lack of grounding and narcissism.  Reversed, I take it to be a gentle warning not to get too wrapped up in my own marketing.  I may be experiencing a fair amount of success and recognition right now, but that doesn't mean I don't still have a lot to learn.  If I can keep myself grounded and humble I'll be better off.

Next is the Ten of Swords.  In most circumstances this card would mean calamity, death, or a major fall.  However, I have a rather quirky relationship with the nastier cards.  Instead of meaning something bad is going to happen, for me they're about release.  In this reading this card reminds me that sometimes I have to let go and let myself fall, to experience the darkness in order to come out the other side.  This also reminds me that I have chosen the more difficult path and that I shouldn't bitch too much when the going gets tough.

The Queen of Wands is similar to the Page of Wands, just turned up to eleven.  Where the Page is taking her first steps into leadership and mastery, the Queen is already sovereign.  The Queen takes mastery and leadership to a new level; her very presence invites respect.  In this reading she is telling me that I have the ability to do everything I hope to do, I just need the courage to own my mastery and step up - a scarier thought than it probably should be, which means I really needed to hear it.

The Knight of Swords reversed.  Were it right-side up it would represent impetuous arrogance and domineering force.  Reversed, this card encourages me to use delicacy and tact in my actions.  Sometimes strong like bull equals dumb like ox, and that just doesn't work for me.  It's ok to be the quiet one who waits for all the idiots to blow themselves hoarse and then step in and quietly, calmly point out their misconceptions and present the best solutions - Yes, I'm a trained mediator and I use those skills in everything I do.

The Four of Swords represents the eye of the storm.  The woman lies back, almost in an attitude of death, with lotus blossoms floating around her.  She's very calm and restful, but she'd still got a grip of her sword and can use it at a moment's notice.  This card tells me to enjoy the calm moments I have, to rest and recharge while I can, because it's about to get very, very busy.

The final card is the King of Pentacles.  This card represents strength, success, material wealth, and dominion coupled with generosity of both riches and spirit.  This card tells me that I am poised to have all the success I desire, I just need to be willing to put in the work necessary to manifest my dreams and bring them into reality.  Now is not the time to slip into pleasant day dreams and let time slip by.  The opportunities I want are right in front of me, but they'll come to nothing if I don't stand up and grab them.

The real message of this reading is that I can be everything I want to be and do everything I want to do, I just have to seize the opportunities as they present themselves and never for one moment say, "I'll do it later, it'll come around again." 

New Moon

It is the new moon as I write this.  I love new moons.  It feels like a blank slate where everything is possible.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the power of a full moon but it just isn’t quite the same.  There’s something about the depth of the night when they’re no moon.  It’s like there’s a stillness that goes far beyond sleep, almost as if you could walk right into another world if you could find the path.

Back when I first started practicing magick I diligently celebrated every new and full moon esbat with a formal ritual.  Nowadays I celebrate the moon a little differently.  I still love doing big formal ritual, but I generally only bother if I have some specific magickal working that I want to give a boost.  If my working is only devotional I usually don’t pull out the props.  My gods don’t care whether my candles are pure beeswax or if my athame is damascus steel.  The gods can see into our hearts and minds and as long as your intent is pure and strong, everything else is just window dressing.

I like to celebrate the New Moon with some quiet contemplation.  I generally light a tea light or two (black if I have them – I stock up during Halloween), make a nice cup of tea, and have a seat on the couch in my office.  I’ll spend some time writing in my journal and generally decompressing.  I find that writing in my journal helps me to quiet all the crazed mish-mosh in my head.  It always seems that once my thoughts are on paper and outside my head I can look at them much more objectively.

If I feel the need I’ll break out one of my tarot or oracle decks and do some divination.  I have more than a dozen different decks, stones, runes, and pendulums, but I seem to always have one or two that stand out as the right ones to use for any given question.  I generally use beautifully illustrated cards, like the Brian Froud Hear of Faery Oracle, because the images speak to me in a way that stones or runes just don’t.  Although I do have a set of divination tiles that I created that I use for special occasions (I’ll blog about them in detail later).  The cards generally help me sort through all the things that confound me and I end up with a much clearer head.

I always close my esbats by communicating with deity.  Most of the time this involves having a chat with my spirit guide.  Yes, a chat.  I don’t conjure, summon, or make offerings to my spirit guide (not that he minds the occasional offering).  If I’m doing magick he just shows up and we chat.  It’s rather like having an imaginary friend who’s much wiser than you are.  I chat with him and get the answers I need.  Sometimes, when the situation is very complicated or I feel the need, I will go and communicate directly with the Crone - that is a bit more complicated.  The Hag is not a kind and gentle Goddess; she won’t speak to me directly unless I’ve earned the right.  When I speak to her I have to journey to her realm (the underworld), pass her guards, and usually make some kind of sacrifice.  This sacrifice is usually mental, though occasionally it’s physical (like sitting in an uncomfortable position for a long time or being really cold)*.  Most often my sacrifice is to look into what I call Dorian Grey’s Mirror.  Taking a good look at one’s weakest, nastiest, most base personal traits is a lot more difficult than you think, and when that look is powered by harsh winter it can be downright painful.  Once I’ve proven my worthiness the Crone will instruct me as she sees fit.

Simple as they are, my esbats are profoundly meaningful to me.  I always take the time to thank my Lady and my guide when they’ve helped me and will often burn some incense for them, but that’s really the most formal thing I do.  Just taking the time to reflect and be still, to really think about what my spirituality means to me is all I need to do.  My Lady knows my heart and it is hers.

All that matters it that which puts you in the sight of your God.

* Note – Sacrifice to my Goddess NEVER involves other living creatures.  I do not kill or injure others in my workings.  The blood of another is not mine to give.  If blood is ever involved in my workings it’s my own.